With the Houston Astros lingering in or near last place in the N.L. Central, and the Red Sox needing starting pitching like Newsweek needs better editors, a match would seem to be in place.

Peeling back the covers reveals a bed too messy to make, however. If this match is made it will have to come from hell, not heaven.

What is the root of all evil in Major League Baseball? Money?

Rocket is making a cool $18 million this year, plus he has a $3 million dollar trade kicker. There would probably be many round-trip first class or charter flights from Boston to Houston thrown in, too.

If the decision to acquire Clemens was purely a baseball one it would be a no brainier. Unfortunately, it isn?t that simple.

Speaking of evil, and appropriately timed with the new "Star Wars" release, the Larry Lucchino penned evil empire New York Yankees will have a say in the matter. If Roger accepts a trade, he?s already apparently stated that a return to the Bronx Bombers would be his first choice.

Since a no-trade contract is in place, he?ll definitely be calling the shots on where is reentry touches down, if at all.

Even as much as he?s not a true Yankee (Boston 13 years, New York 5), he considers himself one.

Retiring and going "home" didn?t really enhance his legacy with the Big Apple Fans. Many of them felt he was a Red Sox traitor who then went and beaned their golden boy Mike Piazza (2000 Series bat throwing incident aside).

This might be the year, as crazy as it sounds, that The Boss doesn?t take on additional dollars at the trading deadline, as payroll additions to this team, already over the cap by a mile, are double-whammies due to the luxury tax.

George will need to break into the Federal Reserve to write the final checks for 2005 if the Rocket Man returns to the House that Ruth Built.

As far as the Sox go, there is just too much baggage to make a sort-of-homecoming work. Although he has always said the right things (loves the city, fans), the Texas Con Man?s (RIP Will McDonough) actions on the field are contrary.

First of all, just wearing the pinstripes and Yankee hat is bad enough. Remember, this is a guy who said he could never wear an opposing team?s uniform on the hill at Fenway Park.

Bostonians do not forget. They won?t forget his comments about going to the Hall in a Yankee cap. They won?t forget about leaving as a free agent to be closer to home and then signing with Toronto.

Surely, no long time Sox fan will forget about the carrying bags through the airport sound bite, or the wearing of a walkman while jogging with new Manager Butch Hobson. That one was plastered on the back page of the Boston Herald after a mini-hold out in 1992.

How about the hamburger bun throwing fiasco? Or the Game 6 difference of opinion on whether he begged out of the game or not due to a finger blister? And there is even getting kicked out of a playoff game in 1990 after arguing balls and strikes with the home plate umpire while on the mound (and wearing eye-black).

Unfortunately these incidents overshadow the 192 victories and three Cy Young?s.

In most opinions, the best thing for Roger and Houston would be for him to stay put.

There won?t be any late year run to the N.L. Wild Card in 2005 for the Astros this year, and since he is finally home, he should remain there and watch his "K" kids play High School ball and grow up.

He should just keep the Hummer locked up, have buff Debbie enjoy the wives section at Minute Maid Park, and ride off into the Lone-Star sunset, as planned.