Brad Dickson writes for late night television and lives in Los Angeles. Jack Nicolson once spilled a soft drink on him at a Lakers game. Brad's still waiting for an apology. Mike Tyson was arrested outside a nightclub in Scottsdale for allegedly jumping up and down on the hood of a car. This is not good. Today Ron Artest told Tyson, "you?re out of control."
The driver of the car told police the man had a tattoo covering half his face, and he thinks it was Tyson jumping on the hood. Let?s see -- no, Tony Blair doesn?t have a tattoo covering half his face ... Mel Gibson, no ... Ashton Kutcher ... it has to be Tyson.
This is when you know Tyson?s career is in decline. The car knocked him out in round four.
An inebriated Tyson was jumping up and down on the hood of a car. This may?ve been the worst tailgate party in sports history.
The Vitali Klitscho-Danny Williams fight Saturday night in Vegas was the biggest heavyweight fight in history. Literally. Williams weighed in at 270, Klitscho at 250, for a combined weight of 520 pounds. No, wait; technically, it?s the second biggest fight in history, right behind Jermaine O?Neal knocking out that fat guy in a Pistons jersey in Auburn Hills.
Combined, Williams and Klitscho weighed in at 250 lbs. The fight was at the Mandalay Bay Hotel and was delayed between the second and third rounds when both guys placed an order with room service.
I wouldn?t say Williams wasn?t in prime physical shape, but instead of a stool in his corner he sat on a La-z-boy.
More fall out after Rockies? pitcher Denny Neagle was arrested for allegedly paying for sex. This is truly embarrassing. Halfway through the act, she had to bring in a middle reliever.
Meanwhile, Donald Fehr is commending Neagle for doing his part to get the economy moving.
The prostitute is 40 years old and still plying her trade. Chalk up one more for The Clear.
Results of the Heisman balloting to be announced Saturday night. Early exit polls show John Kerry in the lead.
Gold medal-winning beach volleybal player Misty May has married Florida Marlins? catcher Matt Treanor. It?s a five-year deal, then he?s eligible for arbitration.
Here?s the amazing thing -- on the wedding night he saw less of her than people who watched the Olympics did.
Karl Malone said he no longer wants to join the Lakers after Kobe dissed him during a radio interview. Kobe better be careful or he could wind up in court again. Dissing Karl Malone counts as Elder Abuse.
Latrell Sprewell suspended for one game for shouting a vulgarity to a fan at Staples Center during a Clippers game. It really is a whole new world in professional sports. Not because players are shouting obscenities at people in the stands, no, just because the Clippers actually have fans.
Tiger Woods says he wants to start a family soon. Should be something to see when Tiger?s baby uses the umbilical chord to drive the ball within three feet of the cup.
Finally, a minor league hockey player in West Virginia was suspended indefinitely for mooning fans during a game. Now I miss hockey more than ever.