Well football aficionados, it's that delightful time between the NFL Combine and the start of the NFL Draft when we get to hear about all of the available prospects gearing up for the big two-day event in New York City. The agents are drooling, the teams are negotiating, and the players are living their last days among the poor and unknown, as they dream of life in various NFL host American cities, and, of course, lucrative signing bonuses.

As you wade through the volumes of mock drafts and scouting analysis, how do you know if your team is making the right decision? Is it Matt Ryan or Chris Long? Do you go with the low-profile offensive tackle or swing for the fences with a shiny new wideout? Who's Ryan Clady and why should I be happy my team's making him rich? It can all be so confusing.

So, in order to help you sort out the good from the bad from the ugly, I've compiled a handy little translation guide so you can tell what all these draft-niks are really saying about your team's pick.

Without further adieu, here are some of the most common descriptive phrases along with a loose translation:


"He has a Great motor" – So does my lawnmower. This usually means "tries real hard, but isn't that good of an athlete."

"Takes some plays off" – Apparently, he doesn't have a good motor. He's probably either lazy, out of shape, or both.

"Runs good routes and catches the ball well" – Slow white guy.

"Huge wingspan" – Are they drafting a pterodactyl? This is common with defensive ends. Does anyone remember what Reggie White's wingspan was? I don't. I just remember he had a nice little gut and sacked a lot of people.

"Great deep threat" – Fast and too scared to go over the middle, probably drops the ball a lot too.

"Good Instincts" – Runs wherever he wants and hits people.

"Occasionally out of position" – Completely undisciplined and/or clueless about where he should actually be on any given play.

"May struggle to adjust to the next level" – Will be cut by the second preseason game.

"Could contribute on special teams" – He's awful, but he once blocked a punt in high school.

"System quarterback" – Had great coaches and teammates that allowed him to rack up big statistics in college even though, in reality, he has an arm like a leg.

"Character Issues" – Felon. If you were walking down a dark street at night, and you bumped into him … that would be bad for you.

"Great upside" – If he starts playing a lot better than he ever did in college, he'll be pretty good.

"Stock has dropped" – Ran a slow 40-yard dash time at the combine.

"Stock has risen" – Ran a fast 40 yard dash time at the combine.

"Bell Cow" – A tough, fairly slow running back that will carry 40 times a game behind a bad offensive line for 3-4 years until his entire body crumbles.

"Best Available Athlete" – All the good players are gone, here's the least bad player still available.

"Good Physical Receiver" – He pushes off, and he's probably slow.

"Lacks top-end speed" –Pretty self-explanatory … slow-poke McGee.

"Has very big hands" – That's an old wives tale…

"Plays with a mean streak" – Tries to kill people. This is a positive attribute, which is why football is great.

"He's a project" – Big, strong, fast, and doesn't know how to even spell "football," much less play it professionally. He probably played the tuba in high school until someone forced his 290 pound butt into some pads. 

There you go, folks. A few of my favorite draftee descriptions. Now that you know what the experts are saying, it's time to kick back, relax and watch your favorite team flush $50 million down the drain on someone who probably won't care if they win or lose. Meanwhile, you get to toil away, slaving in a cubicle for a fraction of a percent of that amount, sobbing into your Bud Light when a fumble with 30 seconds left costs your favorite team the game. How can you not love the NFL?