October greets us northeastern folks with 70-degree temperatures, sunny skies and the promise of playoff baseball at Fenway Park in Boston for the fourth time in the last five years. It means late weeknights, bleary mornings that could be joyous or appalling, crisp grilling and perhaps a Pepsi or two being pounded.

The 2007 MLB playoffs haven't officially begun and already there has been do-or-die excitement. The Colorado Rockies avalanched (awful, I know) their way into the postseason with a thrilling 13-inning win over the San Diego Padres, which I totally didn't stay awake to watch. Postseason baseball not only signifies the truly official end of summer, it also welcomes back to long lost, some might say lost on purpose, Crystal High Life Bottle.

The history of the High Life Bottle isn't that exciting, but if you're just jumping on board, you can go through each and every one of my past articles and read the tale in it's entirety. For now, let's bust out this glass bad boy and find out who's coming out of the Division Series victorious.

National League

Arizona Babysnakes vs. Chicago Crazy Lous

Ex-Red Sox assistant GM Josh Byrnes has done a swell job of loading up Arizona with young, cheap talent. I actually think I saw some of the youngsters on the Diamondbacks' roster in Triple A during my exile in Tucson last summer. Well, Stephen Drew is the only guy I remember. That and getting hit in the chest behind home plate with a foul ball, and watching some kid pick up the ricochet and not even think to ask if my chest plate was fractured.

Meanwhile, the Cubbies are due. They have a true hitting stud in Alfonso Soriano. They have a crazy man as their ace in Carlos Zambrano, and they have a manager who will smash the next person who asks about Steve Bartman in the giblets. Sweet Lou shocked the Oakland Anabolic's in 1990. The man knows what the October deal is. Cubbies take it in four.

Philadelphia Metkillers vs. The Colorado Steamroller

It's always a good idea to be Jessica Biel-hot coming into the playoffs. The Rockies are that team. And uh, so are the Phillies. The Phils won the 13 of their last 17 to humiliate the New York Mets and yank the NL East title right out of their big, appley grasp. It is never not enjoyable to watch a New York team suffer. Ever. The Phillies are hot.

But the Rockies… Man, oh man, the Rockies are indeed a steamroller. During to couple of innings I could stay conscious for, at no point, not even after Adrian Gonzalez' granny to put San Diego up 4-3, did I think the Rockies would lose the game. I even talked to my cousin Eric, who was at the game, and told him Don Orsillo, the Red Sox play-by-play man extraordinaire, was at the mic for this one. All good signs, as it turned out. Rockies sweep three straight.

American League

New York Evil Stupidface Yuckyheads vs. Cleveland "Mays" Hayes

Speaking of watching New York teams suffer, I would like nothing more than to see Cleveland wipe their teepees with the pinstripers, but we know what we should have known when the Yankees were 14-1/2 games out in the AL East all those months ago. The Yankees are good. Duh. But, like all four American League play-offers, they are not dominant nor scary. They did what they were supposed to do with their Hostess cupcake second half schedule and snagged the wild card.

The Indians have a pretty good 1-2 Chuck Norris in the form of C.C. Sabathia and Fausto Carmona. This is the same Fausto Carmona who was slapped around like my brother in Boston by David Ortiz last year. Much like my brother, Carmona has grown up and is now a big boy who could whup me up something fierce. People who are on TV and get paid money for opinions tell me good pitching will beat good hitting. This feels like one of those series where the Yankees lose in the first round. Again. Indians in five.

Boston Tessies vs. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Orange County Choppers

The Angels don't beat the Red Sox in the playoffs. No mediocre, semi-funny, sarcastic drenched analysis needed for this one. Sox in three.