Thank goodness this is the last weekend of this madness. I'm pretty sure the High Life Bottle needs a change of scenery following this debacle. Or at least a new label, as I have shredded the original one.

It's not that I'm giving up, mind you. This year's tournament decided to actually follow the script... for the most part. The first two weekends suck me in because of the chaos that usually occurs. This year was different. No bracket-ruining upsets, no nailbiting endings, and generally straightforward games caught me by surprise. The good teams are winning and moving on, making for good basketball to watch, I suppose, but certainly not as much fun.

The bottle correctly picked two of the Final Four teams -- Georgetown and Florida. The other two, UCLA and Ohio State, aren't shocking people nationwide by their inclusion.

Ohio State is a number one seed who should have lost to Xavier, but a gift call kept them alive. No biggie, sometimes good teams get breaks. And

UCLA is back in the national semis for the second straight year. But because they play in Los Angeles, and their games usually begin well after I've started drooling on my pillow here in New Hampshire, I have no idea why they're so good. Apparently, they play "first team to 43 points wins," or something.

We've got what people  I don't know personally are calling a highly anticipated Final Four. Fine, so be it. I disagree. While I think the Georgetown-Ohio State matchup might be a classic, or a tremendous bust if the big men get in early foul trouble, this weekend doesn't do it for me.

I like surprises. I like things happening that aren't supposed to happen, like a team named George Mason playing the yokel cousin at the posh family event. I have enough predictabilty in my life, why rob me of this chance at spontenaeity?

Well now, I'll set aside the whine and cheese and put my faith in the Crystal High Life bottle to procure the results, and the 2007 NCAA National Champion.

Semifinal: Florida vs. UCLA

Repeat champions in the NCAA tournament are more rare than me eating less than 25 cajun wings every Thursday night. Simply ain't happenin'. But this Florida team has looked unstoppable this tournament. Maybe it's the Florida weather than makes teams glide through the regular season and flipping the proverbial switch when it counts. The Miami Heat use this M.O. yearly. Makes sense, I guess.

Florida had every starter back for an encore, making the run at a repeat almost expected. I can't imagine the pressure this team was under. When everyone expects me to do something, like actually pay my bills on time, the pressure is palpable. It makes me want to rebel at times, just to prove a point.

Anyway, Florida didn't let the pressure get to them. Now they have a rematch of last year's championship game with the UCLA Bruins. This is what the fancy guys on TV call the unstoppable force versus the immovable object. Can Florida keep that fifth gear handy when they need it? Can the Bruins build on last year's experience and find a way to clamp down on the Gator's offensive attack? Can you all figure out I don't have the first clue about what to expect here?

When in doubt, draw on the past, even in different sports. This year's BCS game between Ohio State and Florida was supposed to be a walkover for the Buckeyes. It didn't work out so much. And though neither Flordia, nor UCLA are surprises in this round, I'm going with the road less traveled. UCLA, 63-59

Semifinal: Ohio State vs. Georgetown

This is gonna be BIG, bay-bee! (Pretty good Dickie V., eh?) There are two large men involved in this game. We have Ohio State supercenter Greg Oden, who is Robert Parish's illegitimate son and hasn't shown emotion in 14 years. Georgetown's Roy Hibbert is also huge. For some reason this fascinates folks, making this the more anticipated matchup of the two games. Me? Not so much. I have this nagging feeling all this buildup is going to lead to either Oden getting three fouls in eight minutes, or Hibbert getting four before halftime, rendering this "Big Man Challenge" moot.

Rather than bore you nice people with stats and trends and other trivial fluff, I'm going to draw a quick parallel. In "Revenge of the Nerds III: The Next Generation" the younger nerds learn through trials and assorted tribulations how to stand up the big, mean jocks, much like their predecessors. They used the knowledge and experience of those who had come before them and triumphed in the end. Given the breeding of the Hoyas, with Patrick Ewing, Jr., Jeremiah Rivers (Doc's kid), and coach John Thompson III, the next generation of Hoyas will triumph over the big, mean Buckeyes. GEORGETOWN, 78-67

Naturally, this is exactly how things will play out Saturday, and will lead to a yesteryear matchup of UCLA and Georgetown. If there's anything funnier than a team from Los Angeles losing two straight championships, please let me know.

2007 NCAA Championship: GEORGETOWN, 65-59. Please, PLEASE wear the throwback kneepads for this one.